Hi fellow bloggers and esteemed readers,
long time no blog - I am afraid I was pre-occupied with work and other matters. Just about managed the odd tweet and posted about 2.3 pictures on Flickr....
Anyhow, I am back and today's topic is "Arguments". Whether it's with the girlfriend, your colleagues, your friends or even your boss - my extensive research on the matter reveals a very simple truth:
When you start an argument (pretty much about anything), you are actually making a fundamental statement to the other party: "You don't care about me enough". (This is not an original thought - as I said, I did some research on the matter).
The quality of the work you delivered sucked - I never get what I am asking for = You don't listen to my needs = You don't care about me enough, do you?
You never do the dishes - do I have to do everything around here = You don't respect what I do for the place in which we live and which I am trying to maintain for us = You don't care about me enough, do you?
And so on and so forth.
Actually the one who starts the argument also says: "I care more about this than you". This gives that person the upper hand. But here comes the kicker - if you win an argument like that, you also lose.
Imagine a fight with the bf/gf, if you like. If you win the argument, you actually prove that she/he does not care enough about you, so the relationship is somewhat on the rocks. And you are stuffed (well, at least if you want that relationship to work). So, you ought to try not to win the argument and let the other person try to prove that he/she cares enough.
It's all about creating win/win situations, if you want to get something out of your arguments.
Happy arguing - and happy making up!
long time no blog - I am afraid I was pre-occupied with work and other matters. Just about managed the odd tweet and posted about 2.3 pictures on Flickr....
Anyhow, I am back and today's topic is "Arguments". Whether it's with the girlfriend, your colleagues, your friends or even your boss - my extensive research on the matter reveals a very simple truth:
When you start an argument (pretty much about anything), you are actually making a fundamental statement to the other party: "You don't care about me enough". (This is not an original thought - as I said, I did some research on the matter).
The quality of the work you delivered sucked - I never get what I am asking for = You don't listen to my needs = You don't care about me enough, do you?
You never do the dishes - do I have to do everything around here = You don't respect what I do for the place in which we live and which I am trying to maintain for us = You don't care about me enough, do you?
And so on and so forth.
Actually the one who starts the argument also says: "I care more about this than you". This gives that person the upper hand. But here comes the kicker - if you win an argument like that, you also lose.
Imagine a fight with the bf/gf, if you like. If you win the argument, you actually prove that she/he does not care enough about you, so the relationship is somewhat on the rocks. And you are stuffed (well, at least if you want that relationship to work). So, you ought to try not to win the argument and let the other person try to prove that he/she cares enough.
It's all about creating win/win situations, if you want to get something out of your arguments.
Happy arguing - and happy making up!
In a related topic, on two separate occasions this week, I was recounting some great wisdom you once dropped on me. When dealing with an emotional person, the best technique is to remain calm. Easy to plan to do, sometimes harder to execute.
ReplyDeleteCouple that with the above concept (lose gracefully on purpose) and you can come out the biggest winner!
My mantra: Hide your conclusion from the counter-party until the end.
ReplyDeleteThis gives more scope of creating win/win situations and the options of letting the other person try to prove that he/she cares enough.