Wednesday 29 June 2011

Captain's log 3398 - On Arguments

Hi fellow bloggers and esteemed readers,

long time no blog - I am afraid I was pre-occupied with work and other matters. Just about managed the odd tweet and posted about 2.3 pictures on Flickr....

Anyhow, I am back and today's topic is "Arguments". Whether it's with the girlfriend, your colleagues, your friends or even your boss - my extensive research on the matter reveals a very simple truth:

When you start an argument (pretty much about anything), you are actually making a fundamental statement to the other party: "You don't care about me enough". (This is not an original thought - as I said, I did some research on the matter).

The quality of the work you delivered sucked - I never get what I am asking for = You don't listen to my needs = You don't care about me enough, do you?
You never do the dishes - do I have to do everything around here = You don't respect what I do for the place in which we live and which I am trying to maintain for us = You don't care about me enough, do you?

And so on and so forth.

Actually the one who starts the argument also says: "I care more about this than you". This gives that person the upper hand. But here comes the kicker - if you win an argument like that, you also lose.

Imagine a fight with the bf/gf, if you like. If you win the argument, you actually prove that she/he does not care enough about you, so the relationship is somewhat on the rocks. And you are stuffed (well, at least if you want that relationship to work). So, you ought to try not to win the argument and let the other person try to prove that he/she cares enough.

It's all about creating win/win situations, if you want to get something out of your arguments.

Happy arguing - and happy making up!

Wednesday 27 April 2011

Captain's log #3397 - On success

Oh that sweet feeling you get when something goes right! Especially if the achievement was precedented by a period of stress, anxiety, negativity, and depression.
A great weight lifted, a spring in the step. They say "success begets success". I sya, it's totally addictive.
 
So, when in the valley of darkness - and hopefully my dear readers, you won't be there often - look forward to this feeling of lightness and invincibility. And remember those moments when things look bleak, for nobody can take away your past - and that includes your successes.
 
M.

Thursday 24 March 2011

Captain's log #3400 - You attract what you are

You want the best team working with and for you, but you are an untrained manager, light on leadership skills. The best talent will not be attracted to you or, if they do join you, they will not stay. Talent is attracted to a capable leader who wants to create a great team.

You attract not what you want, but what you are.

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Captain's log #3400 - On fear

If you let negative input into your space, it's easy to be afraid of just about everything. Here are a few things the news media and others say to feed people's fears.
  • The economy is slow to recover, so many people are still out of work. You need to worry about your job security; you might be next.
  • About 50% of marriages end in divorce, so why bother getting married? The odds are that yours will end that same way.
  • Re: the H1N1 flu virus, if you don't get the flu shot, you will get very sick. Some of you will die.
  • Your teenage kids will get in with the wrong crowd and get involved in drugs or gangs.
  • Travel on airplanes is dangerous because of terrorism.
  • You might be shot in a shopping mall.
  • You might lose all your retirement funds in a financial meltdown.
  • You may have a heart attack or a stroke or get cancer because others in your family have had those conditions.
Those thoughts are all based on fear.
An acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.
Many of you have heard the research that more than 98% of the things we worry about every day never happen. And, in the majority of cases, you have little or no influence on the 2% of events or situations that do occur.
This is not to say we never should be concerned about potential danger; we have an instinctive response to physical danger. I speak here of psychological fear or constant worry, which benefits no oneespecially the worrier.

Purging Fear?


1.    To purge fear, we first must be aware of the things we constantly worry about. Take a moment to make a list of them.
2.    What is feeding your fears and worries? The news, family members, friends, your belief system? Pay attention to what you are letting into your mind. Make a commitment to cut your sources of negative input.
3.    I predict some of you actually fear getting over your fear because it has become a convenient excuse for you. If you stay in fear, you have a reason for failure or lack of success.
4.    Look at the list you created for question 1. Of all those fears, how many are likely to come to pass? As the research revealed, most of our fears (98%) won't happen. Being aware that most of what we worry about will not happen is an important step to letting go of our fears.
5.    FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.
6.    Replace your fear with faith and thoughts of success. Seek books, ezines, podcasts, friends, and other sources of input that help create and reinforce positive feelings.
7.    For some of you, the battle between fear and faith is spiritual. To overcome your fear, source what your faith teaches in this area.
8.    If you still need help to break free from fear, envision the exact opposite of each of your fears. Go somewhere quiet where you can be alone; relax and put a positive picture in your mind. For example, think of a having a successful and healthy relationship instead of a marriage breakdown or having an exciting new position instead of being without a job. Pay attention to your emotions. See how much better it feels to be in a positive state than in your worry mode.
9.    Always focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Make a list of what you want and concentrate on the list. 10.    Get started now on your Action Steps. Don't wait a week, a day, or even an hour!
11.    Purge your FEAR. Replace it with courage and confidence!
 

Tuesday 1 March 2011

Captain's log #3399 - On Chasing Progress

This is what my mentor taught me many years ago:

Chaser: "When will this be done?"
Chased: "I don't know."

Chaser: "By when will you be able to tell me when this will be done?"

It's polite, but also sends the clear message that commitment to due dates is required.

Friday 25 February 2011

Captain's log #3398 - On Floppy Language

The easiest way to fail persuading someone is the use of floppy language.

What are the characteristics of floppy language?
  • Apologise frequently - starting sentences with "I am sorry"
  • Mumbling
  • Broken sentences with pauses, ums, ers, and other uncertainty noises
  • Letting sentences tail off into ramblings
  • Frequently using qualifiers of uncertainty "I guess, I don't know, I hope"
  • Use of submissive body language
Using this kind of language signals low self esteem.
So, what can we do?

My solution is that firstly, we should think through what we are going to say and secondly, at the same time, reflect on and plan how we are going to say it.

Wednesday 23 February 2011

My own hotel

Hello fellow bloggers,

yes I finally fulfilled my final ambition. As many of you will know, I spend a fair amount of my life in hotel rooms. I like them, simple as that. Where else can you use as many towels as you want without the consequences of doing laundry? Which other environment can be messed up nicely during the evening only to be transformed back into its virgin, organised, and anodine state as if by means of a miracle during the working day when you are away?

I also like the boutique chique in modern abodes of this type. The tasteful colour schemes, the mirrors, the carefully placed pieces of art. And let's not talk about the bedding and above all the pillows! The pillows! The plethora of cushions, tastefully arranged only to be thrown carelessly across the floor during ther ritual of going to bed (or passing out, depending on the quality and available quantity of alcoholic beverages contained in that wonderful invention, also known as the minibar).

I have spent many a blissful hour working in these rooms, uninterrupted, with mindless TV in foreign tounges providing the acoustic backdrop to my attempts to defining the future of my little business unit.

Now I have found the perfect solution. I have renovated my bedroom at home and, because it is only just finished, it is empty, save my bed and a simple table to provide a home for my laptop (and the brand new LED flatscreen TV on the wall). Tasteful - peaceful - it is a boutique hotel wet dream come true. And because all other rooms are clogged up with stuff which normally lives in the bedroom, it's the only place I can use to work!
All I need is a maid and a minibar and I will no longer feel the need to travel at all.

Good night labrats M.

With a little help from my friends...

I've had a survey up on Survey Monkey for about a year and so far I have 57 responses. This was / is about what motivates us at work in the Nielsen company. So, Nielsen / TCS folks come on and russle up some support. I promise I will share the results.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/M62ZBGK




Thursday 17 February 2011

Indian Traffic

A lot has been said and written on the subject. Today I cracked the lane discipline rules.
Rule one - driver must not stay in any lane longer than 23 seconds
Rule two - driver must line up with lane markation lines whenever possible
Rule three - indicators are not to be used
Rule four - fold in your mirrors to avoid damage - who cares about the guys behind you anyhow?

Happy driving labrats!

Saturday 12 February 2011

Road trip

Here I am, sweat running down my forehead combining nicely with the sun screen burning my eyes to cinders. Two beggar children bugging me and my right ankle is about to give in from repeatedly jumping on the kickstart of the Enfield.
But this is India. So the cavalry arrives in the shape of a young biking enthusiast who spends the next 20 minutes in the steaming heat trying to give the bike some CPR.
Today was simply "love the foreigners day" and it was not advertised in the Baroda Times.
Namaste my friends

Monday 7 February 2011

Real Business People

At the bar in the Crown Plaza in Bangalore. After we convinced the bar to remain open for a last drink, Eleni inquired as to where all the people were. Apparently the hotel is full, because we struggled to get rooms, but there was not a soul in sight at 23:30. So the barman goes: "well madam, the other people staying here are real business people, they are going to go to work tomorrow". Eleni: "but we are business people - we are going to work tomorrow, what are you trying to say?!?". Barman: "Oh, I am not trying to say anything, would you like some ice for your drink."

Captain's log #3397 - Fast Team Building

It's hard, I know. Virtual teams, cross functional teams, SWATs, etc.. and the more need we have to spend quality time to improve the performance of our teams (and we all belong to more than one, don't we?) the less real time do we spend on it.

I have come across this little gem by Marshall Goldsmith and I intend to try it out!

http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com/docs/articles/Team-Building.doc

Friday 4 February 2011

#3396 continued

A real life example then...

In AC Modelling we experience capacity problems from time to time. This is caused by two facts:
a) we cannot afford to resource up to the maximum we might ever need
b) it's a seasonal fluctuation, caused by quarterly sales targets

If a specific consultant's project is affected, than for that person this is something special. In the overall picture a capacity bottle neck is a normal occurence. If the consultant complains and escalates the problem, management will be tempted to "jump" on it. The modelling team then typically jumps into action, special arrangements are made, etc.. (remember last year's Marketing Mix crisis?)

This is "tampering". We are treating "common cause" as "special cause".

Thursday 3 February 2011

Captain's log #3396 - On Tampering

Hi folks, sorry I've been quiet, but I was being trained (for the first time in 15 years or so).
Trained to be an Executive Black Belt no less.
So I am gonna get on everyone's nerves by sharing my learning.
In every process there is variation. Some of it is normal and caused by regular factors (common causes) such as seasonality. Extreme outliers (and some other signs) point to "special causes", like a hurricane. Ideally both types should be reduced to create the smoothest process possible. Special causes, of course, require special attention and investigation.
If we however confuse the two causes and treat common causes like special ones, we are over-reacting, which is known as "tampering".
Read tomorrows log for a real life example...
Good night y'all.

Saturday 15 January 2011

Captain's log #3395 - On the biggest muscle

Ok, ok I am going to come clean from the beginning, I am reading "Switch" a book about change as prep for my upcoming BPI course. Being 3/4 through it I can safely recommend it - having been determined to hate it ;-) as it is written by somebody with the name Chip.

My mentor, Mike Benzing, used to refer to "using the biggest muscle", when he ment for me to engage my brain and change my point of view. I am sure somewhere in my blog I have referred to this before - I like the idea of thinking about my brain as something that can be exercised. After all exercising a muscle means its performance improves and it can be made to do things it could not before.

So I was delighted to find a reference in "Switch" in a chapter about fixed and growth mindsets. Summarising ruthlessly I'd say it goes something like this:
- if we have a fixed mindset, we will generally not be open to the possibility of changing ourselves and this means we cannot achieve our full potential
- if we have a growth mindset, we accept that things are hard before they become easy and that it takes training and exercise of the biggest muscle to move on

Good book, it triggered a lot of thoughts even though I don't agree with everything (when do I ever) in it.

Thursday 13 January 2011

Quick tip of the day

Find, buy, or borrow a book called Zapp! I can't recall the tag line but I think it could be "the lightning of empowerment". Then read it.

Wednesday 12 January 2011

Captain's log #3395 - On conversation strategy

The following flow chart shows a series of choices that we all face in conversation starting with the most basic: whether to talk or listen. Let me know whether you find this useful. (Source www.businesslistening.com - yeah I know there is a website for everything).

You talk

Do you focus?

Don't Say what comes to mind.

Do Take a moment to structure what you are going to say. Decide how much detail to go into. If you are going to say a lot, it will help both you and your listener(s) to briefly summarise what you plan to say and list your sub-points first. If you aren't certain what structure works best, try clarifying before you start.

Do you clarify?

Don't Use your best guess about what's important to them and what they already know. (But beware of rambling and being pedantic)

Do Ask whether they want to hear what you want to say. (If someone starts looking uninterested or upset while you are talking, try clarifying.)

You
listen

Do you listen attentively?

Do Take steps to minimise distractions. Think and react, verbally and using body language, to help synchronize yourself with the person talking.

Don't...

...half listen, and think about or do something else at the same time, with the risk that you will offend them and/or miss part of what they are saying; or

...ask to reschedule the conversation to a better time for listening.

 

Monday 10 January 2011

Captain's log #3394 - On running effective meetings

I don’t know about you, but I hate meetings, which are run un-professionally.

 

One of four things usually happens.

  •  People just sit and stare at each other, not saying anything. They think it is better to remain silent because they don’t want to appear stupid or ill-prepared in front of the others.
  •  Everyone talks at the same time; they argue and interrupt and no one listens to what the others are saying. By the time the meeting is over, you have more enemies than you can count
  • The meeting was called for a particular reason, but ends up following multiple goat trails with no decisions being made and no one remembering why you gathered in the first place.
  • A discussion ensues among a few people about a topic that only they can address; the rest of the group is made to sit and listen to their conversation.

Too few meetings are well planned. Consequently, many meetings are meaningless, get no results, become unpopular, and see their attendance numbers or participation decline over time.

We can't function without group meetings so we must find better ways of doing it.

As you get ready to start the new year, take a few moments to focus on ways to run a successful meeting. 

 

1.    Get ready

  • Clearly define what you are trying to accomplish. If there is no specific purpose or objective, DO NOT hold the meeting.
  • Plan what will be discussed.
  • Decide the materials you need agenda, charts, reports—and make sure they are ready.
  • If meeting Face to Face find a suitable place to meet with a room large enough to accommodate the group. Make sure the space is well lit and well ventilated and that you won’t be interrupted or disturbed by noises.
  • Invite only the people who need to be there.
  • Set the length of the meeting; don’t make it any longer than is absolutely necessary. Is the topic really worth the collective time that will be spent on it?
  • Get the agenda to the group in advance. If there is a significant gap between the date you announce the meeting and the date it will take place, make a reminder call a few days beforehand.
  • Finally, make sure your equipment works! I know there always can be a technical glitch, but show up with enough time to ensure that everything works.
  • If you want to be on time... be early!

2.    Open the meeting

  • Start on time! If you wait for stragglers, you are penalising those who arrive on time.
  • t the beginning of the meeting, clearly state what you want to accomplish. That will help ensure that people with other agendas won’t derail the meeting. As a tacit reminder of the reason you are all there, I recommend that you write the objective on the white board or tape it to the wall on a large piece of paper. If you are using a livemeeting, you might want to utilise the "whiteboard" facility for this.
  • At this point, find out from the group members what they already know about the subject, then you can start to fill in the blanks.

3.    Guide the discussion.

  • Here’s something to try. As a questioning technique, use a direct approach; speak to an individual, not the group in general. Don’t say the person’s name at the beginning of the question; tag it on at the end. That way, you keep all the members of the group engaged. For those reluctant to answer, you can use “leading” questions—direct a question with an obvious answer to a specific person.
  • Find out what factors might be interfering with the success of your objective. You want to be able to guide the discussion toward concrete evidence and specific factors you can do something about.
  • Start to discuss possible solutions.
  • Keep the discussion “on topic.”
  • Watch your schedule so you can close on time.

4.    Close the meeting

  • Make sure there is a common understanding about who is going to do what, and when.
  • Distribute the “action list” to all members of the group.

If you apply those principles, your meetings will be more productive and informative.

People will be glad they came!

Wednesday 5 January 2011

Scary people

I find some people overwhelmingly amazing. Unbelievable. So impressive that I almost think I should mistrust them. E.g. Nelson Mandela. The humility and the humanity combined with determination and patience. I can not imagine what it's like in the mind of a person like that. Where are his demons?

Monday 3 January 2011

Captain's log #3393 - On Bullets and Targets

Don’t put yourself between a bullet and a target.

Let’s be frank, accidents happen. We will all get hit at some time in our lives. What I am referring here to is something different; it is this – how many times have we deep-down-quiet-moment-honest set ourselves up for failure, disappointment, and sometimes disaster? How many times have we put ourselves between the bullet and the target?
Amol’s advice of “first understand, then be understood” has become a leitmotif for me during the last months (even though some of you might disagree) when interacting with my friends, family, and team. But recently I have been thinking that it should not just apply to the obvious. I concluded that it works just as well if I interpret it in a slightly different way than the obvious one.

I need to concentrate on understanding myself first before making firm decisions on important stuff. Not just looking at the figures and facts, but also listening to the quiet voice in my head which might be saying “this could be a terrible idea”.
My first ever, one and only and one-off new year’s resolution.

Saturday 1 January 2011

Trotsky's older brother?

If the leaders seek only to preserve themselves, that is what they become; preserves, dried preserves.

Leon Trotsky, 1936